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Put in your application: Help wanted for erratic Eagles defense

HELP WANTED:

NFL team based in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania looking to field a defense on Sunday afternoons. The salary varies per position and range from $400,000.00 to $12M per year. Wanted are players that understand that the opposition is not supposed to score points. Also, the players we are looking to put on the field must make an effort at tackling the player with the ball, swatting down or intercepting a pass, and knocking the snot out of the other teams’ quarterback. Must have thick skin to play in front of hometown fans and be open to criticism. If interested, submit applications via email to nomoreexcuses@wedontwantwusses.com.

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